Holy Spirit

Last night was a night that I'll remember forever. The sermon was over the Holy Spirit, which I've been really interested in knowing more about lately so it was kinda perfect timing. Nick explained that we receive the Holy Spirit when we gives our lives to Christ and die to ourselves, but I had just been craving so desperately to receive even more. I didn't care how and when it would happen, or if I even received a gift. I just wanted it. 

A couple days ago I was reading in the book Hinds Feet on High Places. The main character, Much-Afraid had been on the path to the High Places with her guides, Sorrow and Suffering when they began to take her downhill- into a dry desert valley. The complete opposite way of the mountains, which The Shepherd had promised to her. She called out to Him and cried out, saying it was a mistake because He promised her the High Places and here she was, going down into low places. 

He assured her that she was on the right path, and He even stuck by her side for a little while when they entered a town. After a while, He left and her guides took her to a cliff lookout where she found an empty cove near the ocean that gave her a sense of peace. The next day, she went back to the cove to see that it was completely full of water after the tide came in. She shrieked with joy, thanking The Shepherd. She compared that cove to her, saying just in the same way as the cove being filled with water, she had been filled with His love. 

That story actually has a point, I promise. I had been craving to have that feeling.  I was hungry to be filled in that way, to shriek with joy from the overflow of my heart. I had been learning how to have a deeper intimacy with Him and what it means to be His bride, so I wanted to feel that love.

After the sermon last night, I prayed out-loud with friends. While a friend was praying over me, my feet started tingling. I didn't know what was happening, and it didn't stop. My feet started feeling heavy, and I imagined myself with hind's feet. I gave absolutely everything to Him, and held nothing back. That's when I felt the wildest feeling that I still don't know how to explain without sounding absolutely ridiculous. I was filled with the most intense joy I had ever felt, and I cried. Lemme tell ya, it wasn't just one glistening tear on my cheek. I was ugly-crying hardcore. 

I didn't care. I just kept weeping, and suddenly these sounds came out of my mouth that weren't words at all, and I was scared before I realized that I was speaking in tongues. My friends were encouraging me as these babbles kept spewing out of my mouth. 

I barely slept last night and today I feel sick, but I don't care. I have a new-found joy and love that's nothing I have ever felt before. I'm so excited that I want to tell everyone I see, even if they're a total stranger and they would think I'm literally insane. That's why I had to type out my feelings and thoughts today because I felt like if I didn't get it off my chest I would combust. Anyway, thank you for reading. I'm sure there's going to be much more to come.